"Don't Mess With Texas "  (Original Screenplay by Michael Allen)

FADE IN:

INT. DINING ROOM - NIGHT

Seven-year-old BERNARD is sitting at a table with his PARENTS. They are eating roast beef and mashed potatoes.

On one side sits his timid MOTHER.

On the other side is his stern FATHER, a slim man in his 40’s. As he talks on the phone, he carefully carves his roast beef like he’s doing surgery.

BERNARD (V.O.)
J. Patrick Hooker. One of the top doctors in
Midland, Texas. You can reach the doctor
24 hours a day

FATHER
(into phone)
Any other symptoms, be specific.

Bernard scoops a forkful of mashed potatoes off his plate

FATHER (cont’d)
(into phone)
What color is the discharge? Is there an odor?

Bernard stops eating in half-bite.

BERNARD (V.O.)
To this day, I can’t eat mashed potatoes.

Father hangs up the phone.

FATHER
That's the third time Sally Harper has called me.

MOTHER
I'm sorry, Pat.

FATHER
What? Why are you apologizing?

MOTHER
I'm sorry she keeps calling you.

FATHER
Don't apologize.

MOTHER
Oh okay. I'm sorry.

FATHER
Mary.

MOTHER
Yes?

FATHER
Why are you trying to kill me?