"Library Dull? No Way!"  (Westside Today Dec. 2004)

The Donald Bruce Kaufman Brentwood Library has been a community mainstay on San Vicente Blvd. for the past ten years. And while some may think of the library as a dull and boring place, this public facility is a hot bed of daily drama.

Most of the action happens around the library computers, where the public can sign up to go online for an hour at a time. One memorable moment was when a man in his 40's, “Tony,” left his computer to use the restroom and returned minutes later, only to find a boy (who looked to be about ten) sitting in his chair. The mischievous munchkin had deleted all of Tony's work and was playing a video game on the computer.

When Tony started to chew out the pint-sized insurgent, several patrons quickly came to the boy's defense: “He's just a kid!” Stunned by their support for the sneaky juvenile, Tony quickly retorted, “That kid just erased all my work and destroyed my life!”

But it was too late; library sympathy was clearly with the little rascal, who savored his victory. Tony would face another defeat a few weeks later when he was suspended from the library for sleeping, or as my mother used to call it, “reading with your eyes closed.” His one week suspension was a harsh punishment for those of us who have become addicted to his kooky antics.

Fortunately, during Tony's absence, the weekly entertainment was provided by two drunken transients who stumbled into the library and cursed like sailors. As they attempted to scale the stairs and use the computers on the second floor, one of them slurred repeatedly, “Which (expletive) computer am I supposed to use?” The rowdy fellows were politely escorted out by the staff and invited to return when they sobered up.

The librarians are good-natured through all this wackiness and seem to be quite adept in their roles as quasi-bouncers and peacemakers. One of their regular admirers is an elderly man who pushes his shopping cart into the building and stops to flirt with each of them. “I'm still single, you know!” he crows.

One of his objects of affection, Megan, cheerfully reminds patrons of the fines that they owe for late returns. She's always nice and people usually pay up, but not always. Once, a crabby woman stormed in demanding to know why she owed a twenty cent fine. Sensing a possible meltdown over two dimes, Megan told the hot head that the fine was forgiven.

Amazingly, the cranky gal continued to complain about being fined in the first place: “I only had the book for 3 weeks!” She finally ended her diatribe by checking out another book, no doubt planting seeds for a future firestorm. Indeed, if you're looking for thrills and chills, this library is the best ticket in Hollywood.

The Donald Bruce Kaufman - Brentwood Branch Library is located at: 11820 San Vicente Boulevard.